


Dermatillomania

by a_mind_at_work



Series: Anxiety Laf [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Derma, Dermatillomania, Gen, George is the best father ever tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:23:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mind_at_work/pseuds/a_mind_at_work
Summary: I hope this lil fic in particular has helped some of you understand yourselves or others better! Anxiety is a tricky thing that takes many forms, some of which, like derma, aren't super well known. Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you'll enjoy the other works in the series, too! <333
Wanna read more of my stuff? Come chill with me on tumblr! @undiscoveredstory





	1. Derma Part One

“Gilbert?” George called from the kitchen. “Can you help me with something?”

This had been happening constantly for the last half hour. George had told Laf and Alexander that he was planning on making Martha’s favorite dish for their anniversary dinner that night, but there was one problem with this plan: George could _not_ cook.

He’d done everything else right, though. He’d gotten Alexander to take Martha out under the guise of Alex needing a warmer winter coat when, in reality, as soon as they got to the mall, Alex was going to hand Martha a gift card to her favorite boutique that George had gotten her.

George had also gotten all of the right ingredients for the meal and measured them out properly. It was… the rest of it… that he was having issues with.

“Papa, why not let me finish up?” Laf asked every time his father called him into the kitchen.

Every time George shook his head. “No, son, but thank you. It’s important that I do this for Martha.”

Laf wanted to point out that George had barely done anything, since he needed Laf’s help every three minutes, but he bit his tongue. It wasn’t George’s fault that Lafayette was in what he called “an anxious mood.” And he understood why George wanted to do this (somewhat) on his own. George, just like Laf, had a lot of pride. Sometimes asking for help didn’t go hand-in-hand with such a trait.

After Laf had finished whisking and mixing and left George with a few instructions on what to do next, he returned to the living room, where he was camped out with his biology textbook and flashcards, studying for a big exam he had in two days.

Science had never been his strongest subject, but he tried. He usually got B’s on his tests, but he was worried about this one. He had had trouble fully comprehending the last two chapters, and the fact that he was learning in his second language, which he sometimes felt like he had yet to fully master, didn’t help anything.

So his anxiety levels were kinda high. And when George called for him _yet again_ , Laf wanted to scream.

He didn’t notice it at first. He didn’t notice how his hand rose to his scalp and started picking at even the smallest bumps he could find there. He didn’t notice what he was doing until he’d already helped George and had returned to his perch on the couch. He only noticed then because he had to use that hand for writing, but he didn’t want to stop doing, well, whatever it was he was doing, exactly.

This wasn’t the first time, either. He knew this had been happening more and more often lately and maybe he should be concerned about it because he could never seem to let a scab fully heal and, even with his tentative grasp on biology, that just couldn’t be good.

But as awful as it felt, it also felt… good. It felt like a relief. Like a way for him to channel the anxiety.

Sure, he wished he could stop whenever he wanted to, and yes, at times it got frustrating, even a little scary, just how difficult it was to stop, but…

“Gilbert?”

He took a deep breath. It was all he had, sometimes.

“Oui, Papa?” Lafayette said as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. He was picking at a scab in his ear. He wasn’t sure how it’d gotten there in the first place, but he knew it’d been there for a while. He could never seem to let it fully heal.

“I, uh…” George gestured at some of the chopped up veggies on the counter.

Lafayette had to stifle a laugh when he saw them. They were cut much too large for what George was trying to make. He looked at the knife in George’s hand. Ah, that explained–– he’d been using the wrong knife for a task like that.

Laf went to the drawers and grabbed a sharper, thinner blade, then stood in front of the veggies. He needed both hands.

_Stop._

He couldn’t.

_STOP. George may be semi-oblivious most of the time, but he will most definitely notice if you don’t stop NOW._

He still couldn’t. Not until he… could. He was never sure how, but he’d eventually hit a level that felt right. That felt like a good time to stop. He just wasn’t there yet.

“Son? Your ear itch?”

_MERDE. SHIT._

He pulled his finger away even though every part of him was screaming don’t stop now! He winced when he saw there was a little red under his nail. That happened sometimes. He prefered when it didn’t, but, well, that was also out of his control.

“Gilbert?” George said. He looked at the boy’s finger. “Are you okay?”

Tears welled in Laf’s eyes. No, he was not okay. And he was tired. He was so tired of fighting it off and constantly losing.

“I…” he bit his lip. It felt much to shameful for him to say.

George knelt down in front of him, which Laf found kind of funny, since he was nearly as tall as George now. But it reminded him of his childhood, when George had always knelt to level with him. It’d made him feel so much better during those first few months in America. It made him feel like there was someone who’d look out for him.

“Son, it’s okay.” George reached up and caught one of Laf’s tears on his finger. “Is it an anxiety thing?”

Laf nodded.

“Okay,” George said in that confident yet tender way of his. “We’ll get through this. Until we can talk to Martha and your counselor let me get you a bandaid? We should protect whatever it is you’re picking at there.”

Laf nodded, and only then did George stand. He clasped a hand on Laf’s shoulder.

“It’s going to get better, son,” he said.

Laf believed him.


	2. Derma Part Two

“Um, Laf?” Alex stood in the bathroom doorway, staring down at Laf, who had three boxes of bandaids surrounding him on the floor as he examined his leg.

“Oh, bonjour, mon ami,” Laf said, not looking up from his leg. He was too focused on the task at hand.

“What the hell are you doing?” Alex asked, since Laf didn’t catch–– or ignored–– the implied question.

“Bandaids,” Laf muttered as he peeled the backing off of a tiny one and stuck it on the spot on his calf he’d been in search of. He finally looked up at Alex. “Do you need one?” He motioned to the boxes.

“Uh, no, I just… why three boxes?” The questions just kept coming.

Lafayette sighed. “They all have varying sizes,” he explained.

“Did you like… run into a thorny bush or something?” Alex squinted down at Laf in confusion.

“It’s… nothing,” Laf said with another sigh.

“Clearly that was a lie,” Alex said. He sat down across from Laf on the cool tile floor. He stared at the boxes of bandaids and at Laf’s scab-covered legs. “Oh,” he said softly. “Derma?”

Laf deflated a bit, both relieved and embarrassed that Alexander had figured it out. “Oui,” he whispered.

“Let me help?” Alex asked.

Laf looked into his brother’s wide eyes, both the desire to help and the fear of rejection swimming in them.

“Okay,” Laf said timidly. It would be nice, really. He’d never thought of it before, but now that Alex had offered? Well, it’d be helpful for those places he couldn’t exactly see.

Alex stood and grabbed something from the medicine cabinet. “Neosporin,” he said, showing Laf the tiny bottle. He held a Q-tip in his other hand. “It helps them heal faster.”

Laf gave a small nod. He knew this was for the best. The scabs were just too tempting, and even if he made it through the day without giving in to the urge that told him to pick at them, he almost always weakened at night, when nobody else was around. He was hoping the bandages would serve as a nice reminder to stop before he started.

Alex quickly finished up Laf’s leg, covering even the smallest of scabs, which Lafayette was grateful for. So much of his legs were now covered in bandages, but it was for the best. He looked at some of the spaces that weren’t, where the scars left by scabs picked a few too many times resided. The skin there was slightly different in tone from the rest. It was not really noticeable to anyone else, especially at a glance, but they reminded Laf of the damage he could do to his body; damage he did not want to do.

“Anywhere else?” Alex asked.

Laf looked down at the floor. “My ears,” he whispered.

Alex said nothing. He simply moved to Laf’s side and began dabbing the scabs inside the folds of his ear. He bandaged them up, humming as he did so.

“Anywhere else?” he asked again.

“No, mon ami. That is all,” Laf said with a sad laugh.

“So same time tomorrow?” Alex asked as he gathered the peels from the bandaids and threw them out. He stood up and offered a hand to Laf.

“Pardon?” Laf asked as he took Alex’s hand and let the other boy help him to his feet.

“It’s easier if someone else helps, right?” Alex asked.

“Oui,” Laf confirmed. It was better than he was willing to admit. How many times had he meant to bandage himself up only to pick at the scabs beforehand, making them even worse before he finally got the bandaids on?

“Then we’ll do this again tomorrow?” Alex asked with a sheepish smile.

“Oui,” Laf said softly. “That would be nice.”

“Perfect!” Alex exclaimed. He threw his arms around Laf, enveloping his brother in a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, Laf.” He pulled back from his brother and grinned. “You’re really healing,” he said.

For the first time in a while, Laf felt like that just might be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this lil fic in particular has helped some of you understand yourselves or others better! Anxiety is a tricky thing that takes many forms, some of which, like derma, aren't super well known. Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you'll enjoy the other works in the series, too! <333
> 
> Wanna read more of my stuff? Come chill with me on tumblr! @undiscoveredstory

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two will be posted this Sunday, December 18th! 
> 
> Chill with me on Tumblr! @undiscoveredstory <333


End file.
